If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
