You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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