if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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