Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
