I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
