Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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