I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
