WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
