do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm too high and old for this...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
