I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
