and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
