just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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