I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
