I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Alive.
So much puke
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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