I should be sponsored by Trojan
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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