I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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