things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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