found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
