Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
