Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
