u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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