Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
