Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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