OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
