even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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