Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
