He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they need to just BURY HIM!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
