he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
