Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
