do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
