wanna go halves on a baby?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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