She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
