Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
