I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
