omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
