I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
