No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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