I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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