9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
