I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
