This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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