Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
