I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
