YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
