I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
