i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
