This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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