we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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