sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
