rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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